Remember Me
by DumbledoratheExplora149
Summary: Arthur and Alfred have been together for almost 2 years. Alfred struggles with anxiety, and Arthur has problems with his parents he needs to fix. With their relationship almost destroyed, a terrible accident occurs which leaves Arthur struggling to put everything back together again before he is erased from Alfred's life and mind forever.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay this is my first fic and I literally have no idea what I'm doing so I'm just gonna wing it and see what happens. This is the first chapter. If you like it, let me know please because I have more chapters to upload (once I figure out how). If you don't like it or have any suggestions please tell me. Like I said, I'm sorry if this is horrible and I have no idea what's going on.**

Chapter 1

Arthur's POV

Bubbles. There were bubbles everywhere. I looked up, to my left and to my right. Every place I looked there were hundreds of colorful orbs with my image in them, looking straight back at me. Red, green, blue, orange, purple, yellow, every bright shade I could hope to imagine. These colors seemed to dance all over the place in every transparent sphere, moving in the shape of wood patterns towards the bottom of their circular shape. Where was I? Where was I going? As I stared at my warped reflection, I reached out to lightly touch one.

I woke up to the sound of glass shattering followed by an "Oh shit". I was far too weary to even care what was going on. What a weird dream. Before I opened my eyes, I stretched, breathing in the scent of tea, mint and blankets that lingered with the slight scent of cologne. I dreaded waking up this early on a sunday, but I figured I should check to see what Alfred had gotten himself into. I lazily threw one of my legs off of the bed, followed by an arm. Without bothering to sit up, I rolled myself off the bed and flopped onto the floor with my pillow. I felt a sharp pain in my hip and put my pillow over my face, groaning.

"Hey Artie are you awake?" I heard Alfred call from the kitchen.

"Whe di oo bray" I muffled with the pillow over my face.

"I have no idea what you're saying." he said, laughing. I pulled the pillow off my face and repeated,

"What did you break?"

"Oh just a plate. Put some shoes on when you walk out here though. I still haven't cleaned it all up yet."

I decided that laying on the floor for hours wouldn't be a splendid way to spend the day, so I stood up and walked over to the dresser. I threw on my favorite hoodie (it was Alfred's but I still considered it mine) and some black and white plaid pajama bottoms. I put on a pair of slippers and walked out into the kitchen to find a decent amount of glass in a pile that Alfred was sweeping up.

"Do you need any help with that?" I asked him.

"No, but thanks"

I opened the cabinet to look for something to eat as he threw the pieces of broken dish into the rubbish bin. A few seconds later, I felt two familiar arms wrap around me.

"Good morning~" Alfred said as gave me a gentle hug from behind.

"Good morning, love," I replied as I tried to conceal the blush on my face by not turning around.

"What do you want to do today?" I asked him as he continued to embrace me.

"I was thinking we should go to the library and then afterwards get some groceries so I can make supper tonight"

I absolutely loved Alfred's cooking. He didn't cook often because we usually would just buy takeout, but I enjoyed it when he did. After we both ate our breakfast, we left our apartment to go to the library. I tried to look for some books, but I had already read all of the ones that seemed interesting to me. After thirty minutes of us skimming through our preferred sections of the library, I found one book I wanted to reread while Alfred checked out four books all on astronomy, one of his favorite subjects.

After the library, we headed to our favorite supermarket. The whole walk there all he talked about was evidence to support the Big Bang Theory, and something called cosmic background radiation and black holes and how he wants to be an astronaut. I didn't understand any of it, but I loved to listen to him. Alfred said he wanted to make spaghetti, so we bought the ingredients necessary to make that, along with tea, popcorn and...eight boxes of girl scout cookies.

~(O3O)~

We spent the rest of the day just sitting around, reading and talking. Something we did often if we didn't feel like going anywhere special. During supper, Alfred made the spaghetti he promised and we sat at the table to eat it. I was almost finished eating when he looked outside the window and started getting excited.

"Artie, it's really clear outside you can see the stars!" he exclaimed. He ran into our bedroom and came running back out with binoculars, blankets and two jackets; one for me and one for him. He also went through the kitchen to find the girl scout cookies we had just purchased. He quickly put his jacket on and put mine on the back of my chair for me.

"Stuff your face, I'll be outside" he said laughing as he exited the house and went out onto the porch.

I quickly finished my spaghetti and joined him. He had brought more blankets than I thought he did.

"Here come lay down next to me I found something!" he patted the empty space by his side.

I couldn't see very well so I stepped on him a couple times, but eventually I laid down in the spot next to him. It was bloody cold but at least he was warm.

"What is it?"

He handed me the binoculars and directed me to where I should look. I thought I saw what he was talking about. It didn't look like a star, it was more hazy and disk-shaped.

"What is that?"

"It's Andromeda galaxy. Isn't that badass?"

I laughed. "Yeah, are there any others?"

He guided me to a different spot in the sky, at one of the stars in the only constellation I knew the name of besides...the big spoon thing; which was Orion. Again, the spectacle wasn't a star or a disk but it was indeed hazy.

"Which one is this?" I asked, looking over at him.

"That one's the Orion nebula. You know what a nebula is right?"

"Are those the things that make the stars or something?"

"Yeah, its pretty cool."

I put the binoculars down by my side and folded an extra blanket over us. I could barely feel my hands and feet but I wasn't shivering, so it was manageable. I felt his hand entwine with mine seconds later.

"Do you need more blankets? Your hands are freezing." He took both of my hands in his and rubbed them together to warm them up.

"Well it's bloody hot out here my hands are just burning." I said sarcastically. That got a laugh out of him.

He sat up and continued to warm my hands while he mumbled some song about thermal energy that made absolutely no sense.

"Hey, do you want some of these?" he held up a box of the girl scout cookies he brought outside with him.

"I don't see why not"

"Samoas or Thin Mints?"

"Samoas please."

We both sat there for a couple of minutes eating them. I didn't like to admit I loved them, but I mean, seriously, no one can resist them.

We sat there looking at the stars for a while consuming girl scout cookies like human vacuums. Bloody romantic, I know. I wanted to go inside soon from the cold. It was getting late and I had to work the next day anyways.

A few minutes of silence had passed when he started talking again.

"So I found another job" he said to me.

"Oh really?" I asked.

"Evening shift at the ice cream place in the mall. Mathias asked me if I wanted to do it because they're short a of couple people."

"What about Peter?"

"I switch to just the weekends once I start the new job."

I nodded. Alfred and I both had jobs; I worked as a waiter and he babysat our friends' son Peter whenever they needed him to, which was pretty often. Not only that, but he worked at the market a couple blocks away for most of the morning. Now that he had a night job too our schedules would disable us from seeing each other. Apart from the days that Alfred wasn't needed for babysitting on the weekend, the only time we would even be in the house together is when we needed to sleep. I knew that I wouldn't see him as often. I'll miss not being with him but I don't know if he can handle being away from me for _that_ long with his anxiety. He didn't seem worried at the moment, but I thought I had an idea of what would happen in the future. I wanted to ask him if he would be okay, but I didn't want to bring up any stressful subjects. After chatting for a little while longer, we went inside and I washed my uniform I needed for work the next day. By the time I was done Alfred had already gone to bed. I followed as I buried myself under the blankets and placed a kiss on his forehead before rolling over and letting sleep drift me away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys I'm so sorry it took me a while to upload another chapter. I've been busy with school and homework/exams, so its been a little stressful. When break starts I'll have more time to continue it, but here's a little something to read for now. Thanks so much for the reviews, follows and favorites so far. I'm trying not to disappoint, and it will get less sad/depressing later, I promise. xD Please review, and if you have any constructive criticism please tell me! Have a great day! :)**

Chapter 2

Alfred's POV

Arthur Kirkland. I can't describe exactly in words how he makes me feel, but I know its alot more than just a simple "I love him". Arthur is my happiness, my self confidence. He is beautiful, he is sublime, he is perfect in every way. He is the cure to my sadness, my pain, and the worst, my anxiety. Anxiety has taken over my entire life. It drowns me, it surrounds me with hatred, fear and desire. Desire to be anyone else than the weak insignificant being that I am. It makes me panic, I can't breathe, I just want it to disappear. Ever since the accident I've struggled with it. It follows me around wherever I go, waiting for an opportunity to soil something as simple as a good day. However, as long as Arthur is with me, this isn't the case. Every time I look at him, I am never afraid. I never feel like I will turn into a panicking mess within a minute. His eyes, his voice, his words, everything. They all soothe whatever doubts I have. Whatever anger or terror I feel. I am proud to know he loves me, whether it's the love I feel or some other kind of love I don't know about. I would never do anything to hurt him in any way. I am so, so glad to call him mine, and I will always want to be his.

I never asked for it. Before the accident, I was the happiest kid anyone knew. Life was great until it happened, so unexpected, so quickly. Like I was a slice of watermelon, and the dark seeds were my good thoughts, but they were being picked out and thrown away as I was consumed by my horrible experience. But what happened that made me this way? Was it really that big of a deal? People have asked me this, and all it does is take me back to the last moments I saw my mother and father alive.

My mother, father, Mathieu and I were on our way to my aunt's house in Rhode Island. We had lived in Connecticut at the time, so it wasn't that long of a drive. We had just crossed the border and we were playing a guessing game Mom called 20 Questions. Basically all you had to do was ask questions about the thing the main person was thinking about, and then guess what it was when you thought you knew the answer. We asked Mom questions while she answered them.

"Is it a person?" Mathieu asked excitedly.

"Yup!" Mom replied.

"Is it a boy?" I asked.

"It sure is!"

"Do we know him?" Mathieu asked again.

"Of course" She said, laughing.

"Does he have brown hair?"

"Yes"

"Is he old?"

"I wouldn't say so."

She looked over at Dad and smiled. I immediately figured it out.

"Its Dad!" I exclaimed.

"Yes!" she laughed. She looked over at Dad again, who was smiling. She put her hand on his and didn't notice the tractor-trailer truck swerving into our lane, showing no signs of stopping. She looked back at the road, but it was too late to avoid collision.

Our car was impaled. I remember closing my eyes as I felt the far flip and turn. I heard the sound of shattering noises and my mother screaming. I held onto the handle on the ceiling as I tried to process everything that was happening. It was no use. Everything was happening so fast. I heard Mom stop screaming. I felt the car stop moving. I opened my eyes and tried to regain my vision. I looked at my hands, and they were blurry. My glasses had fallen off.

"Mom? Dad?" I yelled.

I didn't get an answer.

I felt around and found my glasses and tried to put them on with trembling hands.

"Mathieu?" I asked, my voice shaking.

I looked forward and saw my mother and father. Something I never should have done. My mother's head was against the dashboard, covered in blood. Her head, back and arms had glass all over them, her blue shirt drenched in red. My father's body was halfway out the windshield. Through the glass I could see his face, so smashed and destroyed that it wasn't even identifiable as my father. I had forgotten to remind him to put his seatbelt on, something I usually did just in case anything ever happened. I looked to my right at Mathieu. He had many cuts on his face and he was bleeding a lot. This could not have been happening. No, please. No. I started to feel myself panic.

"Mathieu?" I asked again. No answer. I started screaming. I screamed and screamed and cried and I couldn't breathe. I yelled for my mother and father. They didn't move. I stared at their lifeless bodies in front of me until I heard Mathieu cough.

"Mathieu. Can you hear me?" I managed to use my voice, tears blocking my vision.

He opened his eyes and before I could let him see what was in front of us, I buried his face in my chest.

"Don't look Mathieu." I cried, becoming dizzy.

"Mom? Dad?" Mathieu asked quietly. "Are you okay?"

"Mattie…" I couldn't finish. I felt like someone was strangling me. I couldn't breathe,

Everything started spinning around me. I hugged Mathieu as tight as I could manage.

The last thing I remember was the apparition of a man running toward our car with a phone in his hand. I soon passed out. It was this day, march 26th, 14 years ago that has haunted me forever. The memory that is the reason for my anxiety and my fear. The memory I wish I could just forget. Have it be erased from my memories forever. I've tried to get help, I've gone to doctors, had therapy, taken pills, but nothing can erase a terrifying memory. I try to remember good times with my mother and father, but it always ends up back at that scene. Always.

Arthur knows about everything that happened. He's seen me in some of my worst moments, and he's helped me through them. I don't know what he thinks about it, whether it's just a major flaw about me that can't be fixed or an obstacle that we can overcome with time. We haven't made progress, but without him, who knows where I could possibly be, or if I would even be around. As long as I know that he'll be by my side, I can breathe and be happy. I can forget about it for longer periods of time. I can enjoy everyone and everything without the presence of anxiety dragging me down for the most part, even if deep down inside I still am uncomfortable. And for that, I am so grateful.

I had three days until I started my new job, meaning I would barely be seeing the one person I could barely handle being without. There was a simple solution to the problem: Just don't fucking do the job. However, we both could have used some extra money. I had a plan in my mind to save up enough to move out of the city into a small house or apartment upstate, or maybe even back in Connecticut where I grew up. Not only that, but my grandparents keep offering me money to go to college. If we moved and didn't have to pay so much damn money to keep ourselves fed and healthy then maybe I could have the time. It would be better for both of us. I could go to school and Arthur and I could get better jobs and we wouldn't have to care about anything but each other. I haven't really explained my ideas to Arthur. To be honest, I don't want him to stop me from working more. After all, maybe it'll help me adapt to being away from him for longer periods of time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello, thank you all for the wonderful reviews! Please keep it up, and don't be afraid to give me constructive criticism :) I don't know when the next chapter will be, but please enjoy this one for now. Have a great day!**

Chapter 3

Arthur's POV

It was December 4th, 2 years ago, and when I woke up I decided I would take a walk and explore the city. New York was a pretty interesting city to me. There were many times when I thought it was disgusting though. The constant smell of gasoline and McDonald's wasn't always satisfying to me. To add to that you have garbage everywhere and some pretty suspicious people. However, one person changed my whole view of the place, and that person was Alfred. On that day two years ago, it was snowing pretty hard. I was heading home from getting some groceries, and I was admiring the white flakes falling from the sky. As I strolled passed the many people who seemed to float by, I noticed one particular man. I thought he was extremely attractive, however there was no way in hell I was going to do anything about it. We made eye contact for a second, long enough for him to smile at me. Being the fool that I am I didn't smile back, however I felt something that other people would call "butterflies" in my stomach or whatever cheesy things people say about love these days. That was it. He walked passed me and I had to think whether I had imagined the whole thing or not. Of course it was real, but it didn't mean anything like I wanted it to. I continued to stroll down the street, looking at the snow fall from the white emptiness that was the sky. I listened to the occasional footsteps of the citizens behind me, making their way to whatever destinations they were seeking. One set of footsteps in particular stood out from the rest. They were kind of loud, actually. It wasn't long before I realized that they were coming closer to me. The sound came closer, closer and closer until I looked to my right to find the same man who I had fancied a moment beforehand. He was plodding along beside me. He leaned forward as he walked so he could look at me, without saying anything. I gradually slowed my walking pace down and came to a stop. He stopped too and stood in front of me. I was the first to speak.

"Can I help you?" I asked, sounding a little more rude than I had meant to.

"I'm sorry, I just uh... You're really beautiful."

I was astonished. In all honesty, I had never been called beautiful. The only compliment I ever received about my appearance was that I was handsome, which never flattered me as much as the word that had just escaped the man's mouth. Someone like my mother would say beautiful was a word used to describe women, and not men. I disagree. In that moment, I thought the man was the most lovely, exquisite person I had ever met. The snow fell just a little bit harder which added to loveliness of scene around me. I remember the feeling of the cold on my hands and my face, the soft utterances of passersby, the sound of cars driving on the boulevard behind me, and staring at him. His caramel colored hair and his eyes which looked like the sky on a day without a cloud in sight. He wasn't smiling, he looked just as stunned as I probably did. I realized that I had been staring at him for a long time, and decided to speak.

"Ahahaha! Me? Beautiful? Stop fooling with me."

Bloody hell. Of all of the things I could have said, that was what came out of my mouth.

"You don't believe me?" he asked with a smile on his face. My goodness he was perfect.

"I...I really don't" I said.

A disappointed expression appeared on his face. He lightened up again in the fraction of a second.

"Where are you from?" he asked, still staring at me.

"I'm from England. I've only lived here for a couple of weeks. I'm still getting used to it" I said.

He took out a random piece of paper and a pen from his jacket pocket and started writing something down. He handed the paper to me when he was done.

"Here's my number. You should let me give you a tour of the city sometime. There's a lot of cool things to see!" he said before he turned away to continue walking.

"Wai-"

"Oh yeah!" He exclaimed as he turned back around and walked toward me again. When he arrived in front of me he held out his hand.

"By the way, I'm Alfred. Nice to meet you." he spoke as I put my hand in his open one in front of me. I could feel the blush on my face, which embarrassed me even more.

"Arthur. N-Nice to meet you too".

It took me a little while to get the courage to call or text him. I always had trouble communicating, whether it was through technology or in person. I was scared to text him, but at the same time I felt bad for waiting. Finally, one morning after I had just woken up I decided to do it. I simply texted "Hey its Arthur" to him and about 2 minutes later my ringtone started going off. At that moment I had been making my breakfast. I sauntered over to my phone and answered the call.

"Hello?" I said, my voice cracking in the middle of the word.

"Arthur! How's it going?!" he nearly shouted into the phone.

"I'm pretty tired at the moment, what about you?"

"I'm great! Are you busy today?"

"No, not at all." I said with a smile on my face that I was glad he couldn't see.

"Do you want to go out for breakfast? And then we can walk around n' stuff?"

"I guess, where do you want to go?"

"Meet me at the cafe on the corner of Henry st. at eight. I'll pay so don't worry about it" he said excitedly.

"Oh you don't ha-" I realized that he had hung up.

Eight. I had twenty minutes. What was I going to wear? What was I going to say? What if it was awkward? Was it a date or not? I was overthinking everything. I was just going out for breakfast to a cafe, not some bloody fancy dinner. I went to the bathroom to see what I looked like. I washed my face and decided not to do anything with my hair, after all it didn't look as bad as it normally did. I put on my dark green trench coat and my blue scarf, grabbed some money off of the table and walked out the door. Luckily, I knew where the cafe was and it wasn't far away at all. It was a little colder than I thought it was, and I wished I had brought gloves. Two minutes to eight I entered the cafe and saw Alfred waving to me from the table by the windows. I sat down across from him and he immediately wanted to get to know me. He asked many different and random questions that were pretty fun to answer. He asked me about my family, my favorite colors, animals and foods, and I asked him about his. He seemed very interested in me, which I found very charming because I had never been in this situation before. I thought it would be awkward, but honestly I was having more fun than I had had in years. There was something about him that made me feel very calm and safe, and when I spoke to him I wanted him to know that.

After we had eaten and paid (which he did even though I offered him money), we left the cafe and he guided me around the city and pointed out his favorite restaurants and stores. He shared with me some of his memories, told me some jokes, and complimented me along the way. I didn't speak nearly as much as he did, but I hoped he knew I was interested.

After our second encounter, going out for breakfast became a weekly event. Every time we went out we became closer and closer. We started doing more than just going out to eat and walking around the city. We traveled a little bit, we went on hikes, to the beach a couple times, and that was about the first two months of our relationship. However, he had been hiding something from me all along.

I had begun to notice that there was something weird about him, like he wanted to tell me something but I couldn't figure out what. I decided to ignore it, after all I trusted him to talk to me if he needed to. One night while I was at his apartment, he was sitting on the couch watching tv and I was reading a book on the chair across the room. Suddenly he turned off the tv and sat up slowly.

"Arthur, you should go." he said to me. He wasn't smiling like his usual self.

"What why, are you okay?" I asked. He began to look uncomfortable. He started tapping his feet a lot and playing with his hands. I immediately knew something was wrong and left my chair to sit next to him. He completely ignored me and put his head in his hands.

"Alfred, tell me what's wrong." I tried to take his hands away from his face to make him look at me but he nudged me off. His voice was shaky as he spoke.

"I can't anymore, Arthur. I don't want you to see me like this." he spoke. I could hear the panic in his voice, and he was breathing really fast.

"Why are you upset? What's going on?" I asked loudly. I really needed an explanation.

"I lied to you." he said as he continued, taking big breaths in between each sentence. "My parents aren't in Connecticut, they're dead. I watched them die. I'm sorry. I'm really messed up. See-" he couldn't talk anymore. His breathing was out of control, and it seemed like he was only inhaling and barely exhaling. I didn't know how to calm him down, I didn't even know what he was feeling. However, I tried my best to console him at that moment.

"Hey, its okay its okay. You can talk to me about it after, okay? Focus on breathing slower, you're only making it worse." I felt devastated to know that he was hiding this from me, and at the same time it really hurt to see him in that state. I did the only thing I could think to do and hugged him lightly. I held his head on my shoulder and told him to breathe and that it would be okay, and that I would accept him.

The next morning he told me everything that happened to his parents and what he saw. I told him not to hide it from me and that I would do what I could to help him. He had panic attacks many times, and sometimes it would really stress me out too. However, it brought us even closer and eventually died out. Up to now, he hasn't had a panic attack in front of me for almost a year. I'm glad to know that he's getting better, but I also don't know if he's trying to hide it again. For the past year of our relationship we've been renting an apartment. We're doing great from what I know of, but Alfred is deciding to take on another job. I honestly am kind of scared for him, but at the same time I'm proud of him for overcoming an important obstacle in our relationship. Is he really okay? I don't actually know, and I don't know why he wants another job, but I guess I'll just let it be for now.


End file.
